Monday, January 7, 2008
This is an acquired skill. It isn't learned overnight. But if you are doing the online dating thing want to avoid some serious drama, you'll?um?need mad skeelz.
And you know what I'm talking about. You sort through people online, say at Match.com or Yahoo Personals. Some look interesting, but?the deal with the pictures is, you know, sketchy. Here's the crash course on screening online profile pics. It's not an exact science, but there are some short-cuts and tell-tale signs that are virtually infallible. You may not agree, and your mileage may vary, so send me your feedback. Also send me your ideas that you would have included.
Okay, first of all?you are NOT "shallow" if you want to see what the person looks like. Get that weight off your shoulders. If anyone ever says this to you again, feel free to tell him or her McKay is to blame for your attitude. I can live with that. This is a key component of attraction, whether people potentially unattractive to you like it or not! Don't be played into thinking you are unreasonable by someone with no picture for asking. And don't be duped into meeting the person either.
Of note also here are those with no picture (or even one substandard one) who claim, "I am incredibly hott, but have no/bad pictures because I: 1) Don't have a digital camera, and have no friends with one either,? 2) am computer illiterate, despite my ability to complete this profile, and? 3) fear being seen by coworkers/friends and embarrassed." Don't buy it. Any of it. If there's something bothering this person about being seen by others, and you are REALLY intrigued, then maybe ask for the pics to be emailed to you. This has actually panned out for me exactly one time in three years. If you get more excuses at that point, you've gotta jett?period. Bear in mind that people with no pics may not just be insecure about their appearance. Some may be MARRIED. Or WANTED in six states! Think about that one for a while. People with one picture that's either fuzzy or very limited in view aren't off the hook here, either. Ask for more pictures-it's okay. "I have a picture up there already, and that's what I look like" doesn't cut it as an excuse.
Here are a few more silver bullets on this subject. Glamour Shot=Run Away. Seriously. If he or she has webcam capture pics only, same story (although requesting that he or she get on the cam for you isn't a bad idea). Also, look out for the pic that's a very close-cropped face shot?that's not enough to go on. And keep your eyes open for clear signs that the pics are not exactly new or accurate. One of my personal favorites was the woman who talked about having a 12-year-old son in her profile, and the pic was of her holding an infant! When I called her on it, she said, "Yeah, it's okay. I still look exactly like that." Hmmm. I have also seen people in their mid to late twenties who have posted pictures from high school, it turns out. That's just wrong on many levels, if you think about it. I mean, how creeped out is a brother supposed to feel for finding pics of a 27 y.o. woman attractive-who's actually 16? You get my drift.
The other thing--and you've seen this for sure--is the person with 20 pictures up?ALL of which look completely different! I've seen women with pictures so diverse that you'd swear an entire sorority was sharing one profile. Hair color, various stages of weight gain/loss, age differences, etc. Interestingly, I have found that there is virtually no indication as to which of the pics someone is going to really look like, with two exceptions: 1) The bigger the body, the greater the likelihood of current accuracy, and? 2) The ones with the tattoos are probably newer. That said, I've met women who look like NONE of their umpteen pictures, which perhaps serves as a reasonable indictment of the entire purpose of the pics to begin with, right? Also a potential question mark is the person who teases you with the promise of "12 pics", all but one of which are dogs, sunsets, BMWs, Paris, etc. What is that about? Is the subject of the profile not "enough" to impress me? If not?well?you get it.
Look also for subtle (or not so much) clues about someone's true personality in the pics. You know this guy. He's the one who's such a "loyal, family-man" type in the profile, and posts the picture where you can see what's going on at the "gentlemen's club" in the background. Listing examples here could go on all day.
So what are some indicators that the pics are good and accurate? Well, first?consistency. Several pics that are clearly of the same person is a plus, assuming they all aren't from the same photo session or something. In this case, you can usually be sure that s/he might look like that when and if you meet. Be careful here, because some people are either very photogenic or not. Feel free to ask that question, and listen closely to the answer-which might be surprisingly candid. Actually if someone says, "I take TERRIBLE pics!" that tends to be a good sign. If you think about it, that makes sense if you are already liking what you see. Next, variety. A face shot, a full-body shot, indoor, outdoors, casual, formal, silly, serious, smiling, serious, etc. If people have nothing to hide here, they shouldn't and typically won't. I'm not talking about bikini shots being necessary here though, and the general consensus among women I've noticed is that they'd rather guys keep their clothes on in profile pics. So you know what I mean.
Interestingly, disclaimers in the text of a profile about the pics are usually accurate?be they good or bad. I'm not quite on board with the woman who had five or six pictures, only to say on the last line of her tome-like profile that she had "gained fifty pounds since the pics were taken" (refer to "games"). Nonetheless, if someone says something to the effect of , "Yes?I'm 42 and the pictures are recent", you are likely dealing with someone who truly is looking good for his or her age.
So there are a few ideas to get you started. I good by-product of this discussion might be to re-evaluate one's own pics, right?
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Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/. Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.
Choosing the Perfect Wedding Anniversary Gifts
Each and every tie we have in our life creates a noteworthy remembrance and several peculiar affairs. They can be celebrated during anniversaries and birthdays.
Anniversaries, in particular, are the time to recall all the joyful times you enjoyed. You can share those sweet memories with friends and family; and have fun.
Anniversary presents are precious promising gestures reflected on the anniversary day. In fact, gifts are indispensable part of an anniversary. You can make someone’s birthday or wedding anniversary a worth celebrating with the right selection of gift, to express how much you care for them.
Wedding Anniversary Gifts Advice
Anniversaries come and go. But for a couple each and every wedding anniversary deserves to be celebrated in a memorable way. When you celebrate your wedding anniversary each year, it is an annual renewal of your dedication to one another.
The best anniversary gifts advice is to express your amour with a concrete gift. It signifies that a person still occupies a special place in the other’s heart.
In addition to the celebrations with romantic dinner, an attractive anniversary gifts advice is that of either traditional or modern gifts. These are suggested to express that you’ll continue to care for one another throughout the following years.
Some of the listed gifts include old anniversary gifts persuasion from peers and the Internet for each wedding commemoration is different and is given a certain uniqueness of its own. It goes on for the first year, second year, every fifth year, twenty fiftieth year, and fiftieth year up until the first century Wedding Anniversary! But it is little bit hard to get those traditional anniversary gifts or sometimes it looks too uncomplicated and evident.
Everybody wishes that anniversary presents be unique, distinct and appealing. So, the matching anniversary gifts advice will to get shifted to modern gift stuff.
Here is some anniversary gifts advice.
Special gifts are well appreciated as anniversary gifts, especially when they include collection of romantic quotations or a happy photo of you both together.
Unique wedding anniversary gifts advice include a painting framed in an aluminum or tin frame or art works made on glass. If you are not confident about your painting ability, personalized paintings can be purchased online. Of course, that remarkable gift often reawakens the fading relationship in a couple’s life.
It is very difficult to find gifts for the first wedding anniversary because you need to master each other fully to be able to give the perfect gift.
If you are celebrating the 25th year of the wedding life, it is best to select something that is glittery like silver to make the day more bizarre. So paint a bunch of deep red flowers, frame it in silver and present it to your girlfriend. Or husbands can present their wives with a groovy silver mirror frame. Similar anniversary gifts advice is a silver framed or wooden framed photo album on-sale at the market according to your own taste of goodies or to the receiver’s choice.
The anniversary gifts advice for the 50th wedding year is to add a personal touch to the gifts you present. You can pick a big card; hand-paint several hearts and complete the letters in I LOVE YOU. If it’s your golden jubilee year, you can write down the unforgettable events that you have crossed as a couple.
Important anniversary gifts advice is that you should be confident that you know the likes of your partner very well. Or else, at least ensure that the gifts that you purchase are the kind that can be exchanged for something he/she prefers to have.
About the Author
For wedding anniversaries wedding portrait is a special gift that would surely last a lifetime. Portrait artists from Portrait Kingdom have been painting wedding portraits for many years but still we only choose the best for you.
“No Games”…Meaning What Exactly?
If you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you'veinvariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with it", among others.
OK, so having read this sort of thing a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that. The conversations, predictably, went about like this:
Me: So you say you don't want to "play games". What are "games", exactly?
They: Uh?you know?"games".
Me: Such as?
They: Well, you know, all these games people play.
Based on this pattern, there are three conclusions I could make: 1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games". 2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately. And 3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.
My bet is that #3 is more often the reason than not. After all, lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up--even putting it at their freakin' tagline in multiple instances--there's got to be something going on here.
So what's up with it?
After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience I've broken it all down by gender.
GUY GAMES
1) What's A "Game" Without A "Player"?--Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole ?nother topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is?assuming, um, that's what you meant.
2) The Dating "Rules" Of Engagement--This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ?protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. he should wait three days to call you afterward, right?
3) Lying About Intentions--He "loves you" and wants a relationship. Or vice-versa.
4) Overpromising/Underdelivering--He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing?again. Another version of this is right after dinner out, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based on (hopefully) her favorite things to do/places to go.
GAL GAMES
1) Playing "Hard To Get"--She leaves him hanging. A lot.
2) Marking Territory--This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.) There could be a future newsletter devoted to this topic also!
3) Meal Ticket--She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff?and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?
4) Sexual Control--Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game".
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES
1) Flakiness--Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc. because a "better option" came along. That's ?Game City', baby.
2) Mind Games--Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness-usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).
3) Presumptuous Assumptions, What's Your Function?--Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed?" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B (note careful avoidance of X and Y variables here) to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him!) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.
4) Guilt Trips--A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)
NON-EXAMPLES
Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.
1) Not Knowing What One Wants--If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". Not a "game".
2) Details Surrounding Non-Exclusivity--If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.
3) Outright Stupidity--Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game".
So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.
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Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/. Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.
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